“Older MBMers might remember both John Tudor who played alongside Malcolm McDonald at Newcastle and Tudor crisps,” writes Iain Chambers. “I still say ‘Great flavours Tudor’ in a geordie accent to this day when I see the word Tudor.”
Full time: Tottenham 1-0 Burnley
It can’t always be sunshine and smooth rotations, not even at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium. Spurs were nowhere near their best but they’re in the fourth round thanks to a knuckleball screamer from Pedro Porro.
90+7 min: Tottenham 1-0 Burnley Two late chances for Burnley! First Delcroix’s shot, from Tresor’s precise cutback, is diverted behind for one last corner on the right. It’s curled to the near post, where the keeper Muric wins the header and flicks the ball across goal. The ball reaches Amdouni, unmarked six yards out, but he slices a volley wide!
The first chance was good, the second even better. Amdouni might have been offside, though the flag didn’t go up.
90+3 min: Tottenham 1-0 Burnley The keeper Muric comes up for a Burnley corner – and then gallops whence he came when Tresor’s inswinger is headed away at the near post.
Match report: Fulham 1-0 Rotherham
90 min: Tottenham 1-0 Burnley There will be seven minutes of added time. As things stand, Spurs are going through thanks to this screamer from Pedro Porro.
89 min: Tottenham 1-0 Burnley A clever cutback from the substitute Tresor is sidefooted well wide by Brownhill, under pressure 20 yards out.
Match report: Brentford 1-1 Wolves
“Our local sells some sort of posh crisps from Barcelona,” writes Tom Stratford, “but sadly I’m struggling to think of any obvious footballer puns…”
86 min: Tottenham 1-0 Burnley Ryan Sessegnon, just on as sub, has a shot that is pushed round the post by Muric. Spurs are in control.
“Can you do a ‘Last time Spurs failed to score two goals at home’ post?” says Phil Moseley. “We need the margin. Thanks.”
Oh go on then. The last time Spurs failed to score twice at home was one month and no managers ago: the 2-1 defeat at home to West Ham in the Premier League.
It was a mighty goal from Pedro Porro. Moments after Richarlison missed a good chance, Muric’s throw-out was intercepted 35 yards from goal by Pedro Porro. He ran about 10 yards, considered his options and crashed a spectacular shot into the far corner. Porro struck the ball as if he was kicking it out of sand, and it wobbled both ways before flying past the motionless Muric. What a goal!
GOAL! Tottenham 1-0 Burnley (Pedro Porro 79)
The very thought that an Ange Postecoglu team would fail to score.
That’s a special goal from Pedro Porro to put Spurs ahead. Photograph: Marc Atkins/Getty Images
76 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley The last time Spurs failed to score at home was ten months and three managers ago: the goalless draw against Milan that put them out of the Champions League. Though they have been better in the second half, they still don’t particularly look like scoring.
“Crisps,” says Gary Naylor. “That’s two XIs tonight missing Papedom Sarr.”
Bonus points for the Artie Bucco pronunciation.
Full time: Fulham 1-0 Rotherham
Fulham win another cup match, this time under the auspices of the Football Association. Bobby De Cordova-Reid thrashed a spectacular first-half winner against a game but limited Rotherham.
70 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley Kulusevski tries to keep the ball in play in the Burnley area. Muric ushers the ball behind for a goalkick and then, a little weirdly, puts his gloved palm into Kulusevski’s face. Team VAR have a quick look and then checkcomplete the thing.
69 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley Another VAR check for a Spurs penalty comes up dry, this time after a challenge on Johnson.
“Yes, that’s the joke!” says Liz White of the ‘You’ll Never Eat Des Walkers’ chant. “Shockingly, despite growing up in a football-free environment, I actually knew that because of shutdown-era MOTD Top 10.”
A-ha, I didn’t realise it had been mentioned on there – I heard it a few years ago on Sky’s One2Eleven feature.
Also, peak Des Walker – either side of Italia 90 – would be worth £80m now. For about five years he was sensationally good.
66 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley Johnson’s volley is pushed away by Muric, diving to his left – another good rather than great save.
65 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley The Burnley left-back Charlie Taylor has gone off with a shoulder injury. Meanwhile, they’re into added time at Craven Cottage.
“I’ve been following the MBM, and listening out for the commentary of the Spurs – Burnley game, and am reassured that there’s been no especially grotesque VAR call or handball scandal,” says Charles Antaki. “On the other hand, that means that we’ve been denied hearing Lee Dixon pronounce that the game’s gone. At least until the next time.”
I wonder who was the first person/football man to utter that phrase. I think the guy on the tannoy at Leicester, an ex-player whose name I forget, said it in the mid-1990s.
Edit: Alan Birchenall!
“Crisps,” says Martin Beesley. “Mac Millings is forgetting Martin Pringle.”
Alas, his goalscoring record at Charlton didn’t quite adhere to the ‘Once you pop, you just can’t stop!’ slogan
Martin Pringle, Charlton Athletic’s most famous potato-based snack. Photograph: Tony O’Brien/Getty Images
81 min: Fulham 1-0 Rotherham One-nil is a dangerous lead, but sometimes it feel safer than others. Though Rotherham have had more of the ball in the second half, they still haven’t had a shot on target in the match.
Full time: Brentford 1-1 Wolves
A replay isn’t ideal for either team, though Wolves would have taken it when they were a goal and a man down at half-time. Joao Gomes was sent off early on for a poor tackle on Christian Norgaard before Neal Maupay put Brentford ahead. Wolves stayed in the game, though, and the on-loan Tommy Doyle equalised with a heatseeker from 25 yards.
53 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley Spurs have played with a bit more urgency since the break, though all of their shots have been from distance.
50 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley Kulusevski cuts inside from the right and curls a nice effort just over the bar.
“You’ll never eat Des Walkers,” writes Liz White, with emojis and everything. “You’ll never eat Des Walkers.
“Too much? Too obvious? Any better chants?”
The best thing about this is that, in the non-crisp world, the man himself used to sing “You’ll never beat Des Walker” in Gary Lineker’s ear during matches.
46 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley They’re back under way in north London. Burnley have brought on Jacob Bruun Larsen for Lyle Foster.
The latest scores
Brentford 1-1 Wolves (86 min)
Fulham 1-0 Rotherham (71 min)
Tottenham 0-0 Burnley (HT)
Tomorrow, 12.45pm
78 min: Brentford 1-1 Wolves Ten-Man Wolves™ are 12 minutes away from a replay.
“Okay, fine, Bob. I’m nothing if not subservient,” he mumbles. “Here’s my all-time Crisps XI. Or as I like to call them, Borussia MonsterMönchengladbach:
Salt & Shake Given
Des Walkers
Dave Wotsits
Tony Doritos
Roysters Keane
Oliver Skips
D-Isco-s
Alan Smiths
Niknaks Barmby
Ally McCoyst
Lays Ferdinand
Arf. D-Isco-s is inspired. I like that you managed to include Alan Smith (Leeds) and Alan Smith (Arsenal) as well.
Johan Bacon Fries is unlucky to miss out on the first XI. Photograph: Colorsport/REX/Shutterstock
Half time: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley
Boring, boring Tottenham.
53 min: Fulham 1-0 Rotherham Still just the one shot on target at either end, Bobby De Cordova-Reid’s first-half goal.
42 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley Spurs started well, and a goal looked imminent for the first 15-20 minutes. Since then Burnley have been pretty comfortable. Spurs have had no rhythm in attack.
GOAL! Brentford 1-1 Wolves (Doyle 64)
Tommy Doyle has equalised for Wolves with a belter! The substitute Pedro Neto took a short corner on the right, got the ball back and pushed it infield to Doyle, 25 yards out. He shifted the ball away from the charging defender, onto his left foot, and lasered it past the diving Thomas Strakosha. That’s a stunning strike.
36 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley It’s been a decent half for Vincent Kompany, whose much-changed team are holding their own against Spurs. They’ve lived on the edge, but they’ve also had the best chance.
Richard Hirst has another contender for a crisps XI: Tyrell Malacia.
Tyrell Malacia. How would he have fared against Des Walkers? (sorry) Photograph: Ash Donelon/Manchester United/Getty Images
“Dearest Rob,” writes Mac Millings. “Who or what is the Rotherham Viktor Johansson (Half time: Fulham 1-0 Rotherham)? Is it the other Rotherham goalie? Is it Viktor Johansson himself, but after going through the portal into his own brain? Or is it more like being the Burnley Lara? Yours, The South Carolina Mac Millings.”
Any time you fancy a go at a Clockwatch, Millings, just let me know. It’s not all Banter XIs and shopping lists.
Hang on! The official Emirates FA Cup account on FFS, formerly known as Twitter, has clips of the three matches!
Here are the two goals so far.
And here’s that excellent chance for Zeki Amdouni.
30 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley Amdouni accidentally stamps on Lo Celso’s shin after jumping to avoid his initial challenge. He’s okay.
55 min: Brentford 1-0 Wolves “Ah, come on, Rob,” says Matt Dony, unfurling his fishing rod. “Surely the euphoric Luke Littler run had some restorative powers. The sheer joy must have been good for your wellbeing, adding years to your life expectancy. You can balance that out with some sneaky VAR chat. You know you want to. The guiltiest of guilty pleasures. Calvert-Lewin deserved to go. Deep down, we all know this to be true. VAR is saving football.”
Cry Havoc! and let slip the dogs of VAR. Photograph: Ian Walton/AP
27 min: Tottenham 0-0 Burnley Burnley keep getting caught trying to play out, though when they do get through the press they look dangerous. As I type Amdouni has just missed a great chance, blootering over from 10 yards after a lovely scooped return ball by Zaroury. He was flagged offside but replays showed he was clearly on.
